I checked his status on facebook and he changed it to single but he told me if I change mine then we are finished. My 62 yr old boyfriend of 17 months is frequently irritable with me. Leave the idiot. Usually when they havent got their own way or us girls have done something to annoy/upset them or if they just have problems and cant handle it, they like to take it out on us and what better way then do give us the silent treatment! Some days are great days. One way to cope with silent treatment abuse … [VIDEO], When Your Man Gives You the "Silent Treatment. It may have nothing at all to do with you—some men face circumstances that they cannot articulate for whatever reason. Before you react to such a situation consider this. Don’t get me wrong I love my boyfriend and he says he loves me too. We own a house, but he sleeps in the other room with his dog, he won’t say a word, he goes places without me, and basically acts like i do not exist. Stonewalling and The Silent Treatment. The silent treatment is one of the most damaging relationship problems. Men don’t talk feelings or relationships. Add new topic Cancer forum. Answer: Yes, both men and women are capable of inflicting the silent treatment. Men that give the silent treatment (37 Posts) Add message | Report. Sometimes we might give you the silent treatment to avoid fighting, or maybe we may feel like there is nothing else to do, or most importantly that talking to you about something won't do anything- you won't understand or be cooperative. Even after I texted and admitted I was jealous and I was sorry . You can definitely turn things around if you consider some of these steps. This lasted for a year and a half. His grown son told me this is how he was his whole childhood and that’s why his mom left him (for another man). I do not believe that it's normal for a sensible, thoughtful, mature, grown man to act in this manner. Try to empathize and have compassion for their struggles. When your partner does finally approach you, be open to discussing the problem. When I ask yes/no questions, he asks me why I need to know, or why I don’t just leave him alone…to play Solitaire on his phone for 2 hours while I do other things in my own house and he sits in my living room. The bottom line is YOU want your man to feel confident that you will keep his secrets if there is one to be revealed. Sulking is also part of the silent treatment. But i don’t know if it’s the right thing. He thinks this behavior is controlling me, but it’s actually making me stronger. Thank you Mr. Yet the silent treatment can also occur without warning or stonewalling as well. He then proceeds to tell my boyfriend some warped out version of the truth about how me and him wanted to meet up and basically saying i was trying to go behind my boyfriends back to meet and have sex with him. At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims. Why she’s giving you the silent treatment It’s easy to blame the one giving the silent treatment as someone who is selfish or controlling. I became emotional reading your comment as I find myself in the exact situation. The other will accuse his or her partner of being too demanding or critical. So i tried to distance myself but he didn’t want that to happen. When a person gives you the silent treatment or “stonewall” on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. Until recently I got jealous that he was getting close with a another co worker . Ask a Guy: "Does The Silent Treatment Work?" I have applied the silent treatment on too many occasions and this is the … This is nothing strange and it’s not a cause for alarm. He could be enraged but be apologizing to her before it’s over. I went to the store to buy something and the card declined. The contradiction in my life is that my friends and family are very open minded,engaging and woke people who enjoy my insight yet the one person who is supposed to engage with me disregards my mere presents. Avoid letting the silent treatment get the better of you. Don’t explain that you learned this technique from a douchebag and you are not willing to put up with her drama. ‘Partners get locked in this pattern, largely because they each see the other as the cause,’ explains Schrodt. My opinion the silent treatment is totally unacceptable and childish in any situation--good communication is vital to a good intimate relationship. Related: Inside the Devalue and Discard Phase By any means and can’t afford a lawyer. I’ve been treated unfairly at work as the manager accuses me of being difficult. He’s Abusive – and if he moved money from an Acct to his WITHOUT notifying you, that’s also Financial Abuse. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. Maybe being bored (and snipped at!) Children who are not raised in a nurturing environment will very often use the silent treatment as a way of gaining parental attention. So you have to be willing confront the elephant in the room directly. Drop out smoke weed, Her reply was that’s my son & what’s wrong,if he stays here, Am the bread winner she’s a at home house wifey. It will be their problem. I feel like my past relationships have made me insecure and a person who finds it hard to trust. I am sorry for your situation, but I am happy you are making plans to leave. and then you become desperate, hopelless etc lol. My question isn't why--the answer is as vaired as the person and we can 2nd guess til cows fly. The ability to detect ostracism is hardwired in us – it doesn’t matter if you’re being ignored by a group or a person you can’t stand, the pain still registers. I enjoy spending time with him and don’t mind. Once the treatment has had its intended effect, it comes to an end. Guys who give the you the 'silent treatment' and then blame it on you, aren't very mature or realistic. Thank you for subscribing! Being noticed is so close to being loved, that sometimes they feel the same. Is this relationship worth keeping. My man is giving me the SILENT Treatment what should I do? It causes damage to the relationship because it makes the other person feel unimportant. Break off with this Dude, get some Therapy or 12 Step Codependence/Love Recovery and try again. I don’t understand why hes being this way if he knows that I wouldn’t betray him. I’m unsure whether it’s completely resolved. Why? Then the next time I saw her she could be holding a door open for me, the time after that shut the door in my face. I didn’t mention it to my boyfriend because at the time it didnt seem like a big deal, we didnt meet each other and didnt secure any plans to meet. He does his ignoring tactic when i catch him in a lie. How the Silent Treatment Sabotages You (And Your Relationships) Here are 5 ways the silent treatment is more damaging than you know: 1. Why. By andrea13 — December 21, 2014 1:07pm — 17 replies. They may have trouble expressing themselves, especially when it comes to negative emotions like anger and grief. Of course, women and men can give others 'the silent treatment' or, like you, be on the receiving end of such behaviour. The silent treatment and stonewalling can have actual effects on the brain. I feel sad that I’m looking up this topic online even. Narcissistic women feel no guilt implementing silent treatment; Silent treatment is used to punish men; Silent treatment is a way to get power over the man I excitedly try to have an engaging conversation with him and only met with a tone meant to shut me down. Yes me and our mutual friend did want to meet BUT it has always been as friends and in the end we never officially planned anything and we never ended up meeting. My ex wife used silent treatment our whole marriage whenever she wanted to hurt me. Every treatment has a goal, and the aim of the silent treatment is to shame, punish, or warn someone who has crossed a line. In the context of an intimate relationship, some people think that their partner can read their mind. The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but. As you can see, there are numerous reasons why men give silent treatment after a breakup, from saving face to trying to avoid hurting you. It’s an incredibly hard pattern to break because both partners lay the blame at the feet of the other. Recently l discovered about AVOIDANT ABUSE. Why does a passive aggressive person use the silent treatment? Help. I’m currently looking for another job. He pulls his reverse psychology on me all the time and says sorry he made me feel that way that it’s not his intentions. “We will get over whatever this is at some point, it is not worth me yelling and screaming and creating an entirely new conflict.”. Its their way of punishing us to make us feel worse then they do so they they know we are miserable too. We would love you to follow us on Social Media to stay up to She always ensured I was alone in the room with her, no other colleagues about. The hook is that men cant bear to be ignored and have to resort to talking to finding out how to get though the blip in feelings so that they can get back to uncomplicated 'doing' Another question is why do the same women not give other women the silent treatment? And I’ll admit work gossip has made us argue a few times . Do your best to be patient. It may feel good to ignore your partner when you feel slighted but, it keeps you from finding real solutions to the problems that are bugging you the most. what more can i do? Ask a Guy: "Does The Silent Treatment Work?" So i don’t know if i should call him or he will, but i doubt because he never calls i’m actually the one who does that , see now i’m owning my ground. I’m now saving for my future without him in it. My son is 6 and my best friend and I haven’t spoken to him in 3 months. Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. I am always the one commuting the distance to see him. It doesn’t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the damage to the relationship is the same. my best friend gave me silent treatment for weeks without any reason, i was miserable not knowing what my fault was always and begging her to tell me, then she acted like nothing happened i was afraid to ask why did she do so cause i didn’t wanted to hurt her or worse me again. Firstly, the narcissist may start to give back the silent treatment. I cannot tell you what choice to make but that’s not a relationship one can flourish. And i ain’t gonna lie. Is it normal to give someone the silent treatment if the person was upset and discussed his or her feelings and why they are angry? Researchers suggest finding a time other than the middle of a heated argument to address this pattern in your relationship. Paul Schrodt, PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants. [VIDEO], RELATED: Relationship Friday: 3 Questions To Ask BEFORE Blaming Your SPOUSE! Women do this maybe in hope the men will start showering them with sweet words or feel sorry for whatever the silent treatment was for I spend my whole day writing abuse emails to everyone from the rage I feel. They feel as though telling you may make them appear weak and inadequate and that is the last thing a man wants his wife to think of him. After they feel you have really listened, they will likely be more open to listening to you. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies. Should I wait for him to stop being mad at me or should I leave and move on with my life? We got divorced, I became alcoholic and got deported from UAE where we lived due to alcohol related problems. WHEN EVER I GO TO VISIT HIM I COME AT NIGHT AND NO ONE MUST SEE ME. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. Leaving him disappointed in me doubting him but we’ve always got through it . That doesn't help the situation. 3 months after complete silent treatment from her and all her family, from a country i can’t visit, I flipped out and swore at them online – because I can’t reach them Most often, the recipient of the silence is left with feelings of confusion and exasperation as they try to resolve the problem. We’ll start first by understanding the unconventional reasons why your girlfriend may be keeping quiet, and what you can do to break the silence. See, i’m in a relationship of a year and things aren’t working out. Now let’s look at what happens when you face the silent treatment in your home life. Anyways my boyfriend got furious and called me all types of names and said i was sneaky, disloyal and ungrateful (because he takes care of me financially). i explained to her i a very calm way that that is not at all what i meant, things did get better that day but then later all she did was sit on the corner of the couch and ignored all of us, i tried to ask her what was wrong several times and i got ignored finally i stood up after 3 hrs and confronted her she got very upset and left, now she is giving me the silent treatment i have apoligized for my mistake and didnt mean to embarrass her and i have reached out every few days asking how she is and if we can discuss her feelings about what happened but no response since the breakup. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. So i did just that and he didn’t give me a reason that would make me feel sympathy for him or something like that. My boyfriend likes to brag about how has the best girlfriend ( which i find super adorable sometimes). You deserve WAY better. -S, I am depressed my boyfriend got me pregnant its now 4 months but he doesn’t communicate ,I try to talk to him but he Doesn’t pick my calls or even reply some messages ,I love him and its so hard for me at this time ,,,I have not told my dad that am pregnant because he has anger issues and he can throw me out of the house yet I have no one to turn to because am not sure if my guy will accept me ever ,what can I do. HE DOESN’T BUY ME ANYTHING TO EAT SO I SLEEP WITHOUT EATING ON TOP OF THAT WE HAVING SEX EVEN THOUGH IM HUNGRY HE CAN’T EVEN FELL ME WHEN IM NOT OKAY AS LONG AS HE CLIMAX. Walk away and understand that it … ‘Both partners see the other as the problem.’ One partner will typically complain that the other is emotionally unavailable. Copyright © 2020 Interactive One, LLC. When I ask open questions, he shuts me down. Ten years of friendship and he is giving me the silent treatment. My darling girl finished year 12. Research indicates that such behaviors are a form of ostracism which activates the anterior cingulate cortex, the same part of the brain that detects physical pain. Usually, stonewalling and the silent treatment go hand in hand. Answer: Yes, both men and women are capable of inflicting the silent treatment. I always say that knowledge is power, and the first fact you need to know about this issue is exactly why narcissists give you the silent treatment in the first place. I’ve been told by the manager it’s best for everyone if I left because I’m ruining the morale of the team. The Best Way to Respond to the Silent Treatment When your partner gives you the silent treatment, what it means and what to do. This doesn’t condone the behavior but perhaps he doesn’t know any way to communicate what he is truly feeling inside without it becoming a bigger argument so he will remain silent. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. Related: Inside the Devalue and Discard Phase 4 Reasons Why Men Stop Talking in Relationships 1. I’ve been talking to a guy I met from online for 5 months now. There is nothing subtle about a physical or verbal lashing, but an accusation of the silent treatment, ‘Are you ignoring me?’ can easily be denied. To prove it, if my examples above didn’t already do that for you, here are the signs ranked from most to least likely to give you the silent treatment. The first thing you have to do is to educate yourself about the situation. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence. 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